~ Hearts Kept Waiting ~

by

Julianne Elliott

When she finally spoke again, her words were little more than a whisper. “Ever since you carried me out of the orchard, every time you’ve touched me I should have told you to stop. I’ve meant to, but I haven’t. I couldn’t. Day after day, I couldn’t bring myself to say ‘no.’”

“To say ‘no’ to what?” He leaned closer, his black eyes intent, imploring. “I wasn’t looking for a ‘yes’. I wasn’t expecting anything.”

“Justin, if you’d just listen.”

“Jesus Christ, Melissa. I am listening.” He raked his hands back wildly through his hair, leaning closer still. “I’ve been listening. But what I’m hearing doesn’t make any sense.”

“Justin,” she said as calmly as she could, sitting up very straight in hopes that he’d back off. “Look. I’ve set certain rules for myself, rules I intend to live by, and--”

“Well so have I. You know I have. Jesus, you were there when I wrote the damn things down.” He fumbled a small, grubby wad of folded papers out of his back pocket. “Here. Look. I told you--I read these every day.”

“Your vows aren’t any of my concern.”

“What? What? You’re the whole reason I made them! Don’t you realize that? I would never have needed them in the first place if it weren’t for you.”

“Listen. Please... Damn it...” she pressed her fists hard against her eye sockets, determined to explain without yielding any ground. “Justin. Don’t you see? It’s like there’s this giant wave of wanting, of coveting, rolling up out of my guts, and it’s about to spill over.”

“Melissa.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t make myself stop wanting you. And it gets worse every time you come around.” She sighed and turned toward the window again. “You have no idea how hard this is for me.”

“Oh, yes I do. Believe me. I do.”

“Then you’ll understand, and you’ll help me, you’ll help us both, by staying away. Please promise me that you won’t come around anymore.”

“No. I won’t. I will not. There’s got to be a better way to fix this.” He jammed the vows back into his pocket. “Just give me a minute to think.”

“There’s no other way I can live with,” she said, reaching for the door, desperate for the sanctuary of Gladys’s little yellow house. “So, I’m sorry. But I really have to go now. Goodbye.”

“Melissa. Please don’t do this.” Turning back, she saw such desolation in his jet eyes that another sob caught in her throat, and she let go of the handle.

“Jesus. God.” He rocked his head back and stared blindly at the ceiling. After a long, painful silence, he blew out a shaky breath and went on. “You know, I--”

“Yes. I know. I know all of it. And none of it’s any of my business.”

“But, Sweetheart, if--”

“I also know I have to get my mind back on my work, or make up some excuse to scrap this article and go home to New York, because I’m way beyond distracted here. I can’t focus at all. And my art, my reputation, they mean everything to me. Everything.”

“I know that!” He slammed his fist down hard against the seat then reached for her hands, tearing them away from her knees to clasp them tightly in his own. “Melissa, please. Please. Things between Caroline and I. They aren’t good.”

“Stop! I won’t listen to this. I won’t!” She tried to free herself but he was holding on too tight. Determined to drive him away once and for all, Melissa narrowed her eyes and said very slowly, very precisely, “Justin, you may be capable of having an affair, but--”

His head snapped up and he blinked owlishly at her, letting loose her hands. “What did you say?”

“I know all about you and your girlfriend.”

Her heart didn’t have a chance to beat again before he’d shoved her back against the truck’s door, banging her head into the glass and pinning her there. “What? What are you talking about? I have never--I would never--suggest such a thing. We haven’t done anything wrong here. Nothing. And we won’t. I won’t. You can trust me. You can. I took those vows because of you, and I mean to keep them.”

“Keep the ones you took with your wife,” Melissa spat, struggling to escape. “You made those first.”

Justin gripped her arms tighter. She wrenched and writhed but his grip only tightened further until she cried out in pain. He let her go in the next instant, staring down at his fingers blankly, as if they belonged to someone else.

“I’m sorry.” He looked back up into her eyes. “I’ve hurt you again. I--I’m very sorry.”

Melissa massaged her bruised arms as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. “You can’t keep your goddamn hands off of me, can you? Can you?” Her voice rose to a scream, echoing through the small, closed cab. “Even after I’ve just poured my heart out to you, and begged you not to touch me, and this time you did it so hard that--”

“Stop. Stop. Please. I give up.” He lay back against the seat and dragged his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry. I’m very, very sorry. I won’t touch you again. And I won’t come over here anymore, if that’s what you want.”

“That’s exactly what I want!” she shrieked, scrambling out of the truck with her shopping bag and snatching her crutches out of the back.

Just before she slammed the door, she saw Justin slumped down, his head bowed, both hands squeezing the wheel so tightly each knuckle stood out white under his tanned skin. Tears streamed down his cheeks but he made no move to wipe them off, and her heart tore open the rest of the way.