~ In Too Deep ~

by

Anne Carter

CHAPTER 1

 "I wonder if we’ll see any stars," Todd said as he and his mother hurried across the NBC Studios guest parking lot toward the lobby doors. Humoring him, she shrugged a "maybe" kind of shrug, not wanting to dash his childish hopes of possibly bumping into one of his TV heroes. And for just a brief moment, she shared some of that magical anticipation; who’s to say one of these cars didn’t belong to Jerry Seinfeld?

"Whatcha gonna do while I'm in there?" Todd wanted to know as they reached the entrance. "Read one of your law books?" He opened his mouth wide and pretended to stick his finger into his throat.

"Nope. Today I'm treating myself to a romance. None of your business anyway," she said, wrinkling her nose comically. "See you later."

Maddie Tyler gave her son a discreet wave and left him waiting with the others in the lobby. The park across the street seemed as good a place as any to pass the time until Todd was finished, so she found a bench with an adequate view of the studio doors and opened a book.

The morning air felt crisp but not particularly cold, the sun burning off all but the last traces of last night's cloud cover. She couldn’t seem to stay with the book; the people in the park were more fun to watch. Behind her, boys kicked around a soccer ball, their shouts of both triumph and discord carried on the breeze in sporadic puffs. A couple sitting beneath a tree reminded her that indeed, the world could end any day, and they were making the best of it. Maddie sighed, remembering when it really didn’t matter if the grass was damp.

There were the usual Frisbee-catching dogs and skateboarders grinding along the curbs. Somewhere the rhythmic plat! plat! plat! of a basketball dribbled along an asphalt court. Young mommies pushed tots in swings and all seemed just right with the world.

Across the street, cars came and went from the NBC parking lot. Maddie remembered that as a child, she was in awe of even riding past a real television studio. Surely every car belonged to a star, driven by the likes of David Cassidy, Robert Redford or Michael Landon.

She was startled from her daydream by an abrupt thump! against the back of the bench. She retrieved the errant soccer ball and tossed it back to the waiting goaltender. The breeze felt wonderful. On a whim, she pulled the barrette from her hair and shook it out with her fingers. These days she didn’t care too much about how it looked. It was often wound up in a large clip. Her eyes, sometimes green, sometimes brown, frustrated her because they never seemed to look the same way twice. And she hated the term "hazel.”

Turning back toward the street, she noticed a man pushing a baby stroller down the sidewalk. What a great sight, a dad taking time out to walk his child on this beautiful day! As she watched them proceed up the street, she noticed something small and yellow fall from the stroller. The man kept on walking.

She waited a few seconds to see if he noticed the object. She tossed her book onto the bench and gave chase after the man and stroller, now far down the block. The lost item turned out to be a small knitted bootie, which she picked up, and she continued to walk quickly behind the man. She had almost caught up with them when the man turned unexpectedly, nearly running her down with the stroller.

"Oh!" she said in surprise, bending down to brush off the toe of her shoe.

"I’m sorry," he said, pushing the stroller to the side. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, but you dropped this back there, and I didn’t think you were coming back," she offered, rising to hand over the yellow bootie. Looking into his face for the first time Maddie was stunned; this was a face she knew all too well. Unfortunately, it was obvious he did not remember hers.

"Oh, man, thanks a lot. His mom would have pitched a fit. I didn’t even notice it was gone."

"Well, that stuff happens... a bootie, a bottle, a pacifier... babies are always losing things." Feeling awkward, Maddie began walking slowly backwards in the general direction of her bench.

"You must have kids," he said, squatting down to replace the missing bootie.

"Oh, yeah. Yes indeed."

"Maybe you could help me then," he said, a confused frown creasing his face as he bent over the boy. He carefully tugged open the tiny sweater to show her something beneath. Returning, she peered into the stroller beside this not-so-strange stranger.

"Have I gotten this all screwed up or what?" he asked, pointing to the snaps on the baby’s undershirt. He took another moment to count the snaps, pointing out that there was an extra one at the bottom. Maddie took that moment to gaze at his face.

The years had been kind to him. His light brown hair still shone gold in the sun. It no longer brushed his shoulders, but was still thick. Maddie couldn't help but notice how it curled over his collar and fell rakishly just above his brow. His face was a little more lined, not quite as full.

Still handsome, charming and fit. Of course.

He turned to her and she felt fluid and warm under his gaze, his brown eyes waiting for a response. A simple, honest look, yet she was mesmerized.

"Well, it's not exactly right." Maddie began to giggle, feeling giddy, silly, embarrassed by her own thoughts. "But don’t worry. He’s none the worse for it. I do believe he needs a change, though," she said, straightening up.

The un-stranger sighed and stood. "I’m terrible at this stuff. I was hoping his mother would get back before I had to, uh, you know, get into diapers and such...again."            Was he always this tall?

The silence became awkward. Maddie looked back at the cooing child and her heart warmed. It had been over ten years since she'd held an infant. She cleared her throat.

"I can help you if you’d like. Roll him up to that bench. What’s his name, anyway?"

"Duncan. She--his mother--had an appointment in there." He motioned across the street. "So we’re hanging out for an hour or so."

"How old is he? ‘Bout 6 months?"

"Almost. Next week, I think." He lifted Duncan from the stroller and Maddie grabbed the quilt he’d been lying on and spread it on the bench. The baby made a noise, a kind of grunting sound that babies always make, and his father began to bounce him up and down the way fathers always do. They were all the same, no matter who they were.

She tugged a diaper bag from the stroller’s basket and boldly started pawing through it. She already knew, of course, what would be inside, and quickly located a 'boys' medium diaper and a package of travel baby wipes. Duncan began to cry and fuss the moment he was placed on the bench. She changed him quickly and efficiently. After all, she had changed hundreds of diapers in her life.

"Wow. You’re good," her almost-friend said, shaking his head.

Without a thought, she picked up the complaining child and put him to her shoulder. He stopped crying and lay down his head.

With nothing to say, they both glanced across the street. He spoke first.

"I’m sorry, I’m keeping you from something."

"No, I’m just waiting for my son. He won’t be out for fifteen minutes or so."

"Is he auditioning?"    

"He’s in a focus group. They rate new TV shows for kids. He’s eleven," she explained.

"Ah." A brief pause.

She unconsciously began rocking back and forth, and although she couldn’t see his face, she knew Duncan was drifting off to Baby La-La. "Little sweetie," she murmured, briefly closing her eyes and breathing in the baby's mother-intoxicating scent.

"Excuse me?"

"Your son. He’s adorable."

"Thanks." Her companion smiled and ran his fingers through his hair. "Mind if I sit down? I played hockey last night and my legs are beat."

Still playing hockey!

Maddie wrapped the quilt around the sleeping child and gently settled him back in his stroller.

"Now, if I had done that, he’d be wailing already," his father marveled, leaning close to the baby and lightly tucking the quilt in. "My parenting skills are not quite what they should be."

She smiled and joined him on the bench.

"I guess I should explain. We’re separated, and my time with him is...limited," he said suddenly. 

I know. It was in last week’s People Magazine. "I’m sorry. It's, uh, tough these days." 

"Well...at the risk of sounding cliché, I guess we were kind of cliché. We just rushed things. Plus, she’s in her twenties, just starting an acting career, and I’m--well, pushing forty..."

No you’re not. You’ll be 37 in May.

"You married?"

"Sure. 17 years ago," she answered, looking away at nothing in particular.

"Overall, I've been mostly single. I think when you’re alone that long, it’s hard to adapt to someone being with you all the time."

She nodded. What else could she do? Tell him he was an idiot for hooking up with a younger woman? Hardly! His history couldn’t begin to compare with mine.

"Sometimes I think it’s just not in the cards," he murmured, and looked down at the grass.

"Maybe you’re using the wrong deck."

He looked up then, and she sensed he was looking for meaning to her words. Warily, she continued.             "Perhaps...you’re an unconventional person, looking for an unconventional relationship." Maddie imparted her words of wisdom, feeling both expert and ridiculous at the same time. Besides, she knew she’d never see him again, so what did it matter what she said? It had been a long, long time since she’d dreamed of being his perfect woman.

"Unconventional. That’s a new one." He grinned at her then, showing dimples she was thrilled to see. "I guess you could say that."

"I meant no disrespect," she said, smiling back. "I’m just saying that long-term marriages, full-on lifetime commitments aren’t for everybody. Sometimes, some people, just need a sometimes partner." She was getting in deep here. "I think."

"Hmmm." 

Maddie’s head was beginning to spin. She was wishing someone would come along, slap her face and wake her up. She was afraid she might jump into his lap at any moment. Unable to stop, she plunged on.

"I mean, just because it works for some people, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, you know? You have the right to look for something that works for you." She paused, clearing her throat. "So. That’s my unsolicited, somewhat biased, overstated opinion. I’ll shut up now."

"Biased?"

"Never mind." Somebody stop me!

"Well, I appreciate your sharing your thoughts." He looked at the stroller, then back to her. "And, as a matter of fact, I appreciate that you even took the time to stop and help me. Do you realize, people just don’t do that stuff anymore? Nobody wants to get involved."

"I think people are basically afraid of strangers," she said, which was safe because he didn’t really know he was not a stranger to her.

In her head, the son-checking alarm went off and Maddie looked across the street just in time to see a half-dozen kids exiting the glass doors, each presumably with a crisp $20 bill in hand. She stood up. Todd would soon be heading this way.

"Well, I wish you luck." She began to edge away, hoping her reluctance to go wasn’t too obvious. Then, lamely, she iced the cake. "Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure you tried. Someone good will happen to you--I mean, something, Jeez!" She laughed, almost stumbling as she performed her walking-backwards-on-the-grass trick again.

He nodded, bestowing those dimples upon her once more. She thought she would expire under his gaze. When she reached the sidewalk, she called back to him.

"It was great seeing you again, Jack! You are even more charming than you were in high school!"

Now he laughed out loud in surprise. He even sounded better than she remembered.

He stood by the bench and waved to her, calling out as she stepped into the street.   "Hey! Will you be here next Saturday?"